THE GOOD
- Enjoyed God's presence. He was very VERY present in leading us (P and me) - encouraged by His closeness this year
- Experienced the most growth in my 3 year marriage
- Formed some great new friendships + grew even closer with two friends
- Traveled from VA to AZ to CO back to VA in a car. Camped at the Grand Canyon, backpacked through RMNP, and experienced the American desert for the first time. Had some quality time with P and two brothers (...and I could go on and on about experiences had during this trip).
- Read a ton of books + short stories. Seriously. I'm proud.
- Ran a 5k Thanksgiving morning
- Learned to belay/tie proper knots and experienced having someone's life in your hands, literally
- Backpacked with Wilderness Adventure while carrying THE heaviest pack (didn't think I could do it)
- Saw P step out of his comfort zone and got a job he didn't think he could get
- Became really comfortable driving myself around D.C./NoVA
- Improved my crocheting skills a lot
- Got my passport
- Joined a church family
- Witnessed my younger brother take leaps and bounds with school + personal life
- Went to some pretty great shows/concerts
- Biked a lot
- Frolicked around parks, yards, ponds, woods, pools, rooms, malls, libraries, and grocery stores with my favorite little girls while getting paid.
THE BAD
- Left my job as a nanny and said good-bye to a wonderful family
Left NoVA + church family there - Moved to Roanoke, VA
- Between P and I - got more traffic/parking tickets than I ever have would have liked to receive in one lifetime
- Mission trip desires didn't get to be put into action
- Lowest points of marriage reached this year
- Forced to realize and work on shoddy relationship with parental unit
- Indulged depressive states of mind more than I would have liked (didn't put up the greatest fight)
The year of 2013 was a year of movement. Not necessarily forward movement but any kind of movement can feel good. Looking back, I'm realizing this more and more. Towards the end of 2013, I finally grasped why I never felt comfortable with leaving out the negative. In trying to move away from being cynical these past few years, I thought I should just always focus on the positive, on things that move us forward, and thoughts that make us happy. To be honest, although helpful at times, it didn't seem quite right to me nor biblical. Illumination came to me through a Psychologist whose random quotes I happened to be reading through because I liked what he had to say. When I saw this excerpt, I enjoyed one of those jolting moments of clarity. I love moments like this because it's like circuits in my brain that haven't been on the right track now finally have what they need to connect with the other on-track thoughts. It feels bright and clean to have a little bit more harmony in there (because my thought life is mostly a dark confusing mess). So, it's illuminating (I love that metaphor). The excerpt is as follows:
"I actually attack the concept of happiness. The idea that - I don’t mind people being happy - but the idea that everything we do is part of the pursuit of happiness seems to me a really dangerous idea and has led to a contemporary disease in Western society, which is fear of sadness. It’s a really odd thing that we’re now seeing people saying “write down 3 things that made you happy today before you go to sleep”, and “cheer up” and “happiness is our birthright” and so on. We’re kind of teaching our kids that happiness is the default position - it’s rubbish. Wholeness is what we ought to be striving for and part of that is sadness, disappointment, frustration, failure; all of those things which make us who we are. Happiness and victory and fulfillment are nice little things that also happen to us, but they don’t teach us much. Everyone says we grow through pain and then as soon as they experience pain they say “Quick! Move on! Cheer up!” I’d like just for a year to have a moratorium on the word “happiness” and to replace it with the word “wholeness”. Ask yourself “is this contributing to my wholeness?” and if you’re having a bad day, it is.” -Hugh Mackay
This concept of wholeness is something I want on the forefront of mind this year as I strive to continue the trend of movement from 2013. I believe understanding life this way will help me to feel more content and less depressed. It's already helped me understand better why trails are joys and to embrace the uncomfortable. This is freeing. Feeling free allows me to naturally praise and love my God and serve others more willingly. I am grateful. And a grateful heart is a happy heart.
